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When John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) was a little boy, he made a wish that Ted (Seth MacFarlane), his beloved teddy bear, would come alive. Thirty years later, foul-mouthed Ted is still John's constant companion, much to the chagrin of Lori (Mila Kunis), John's girlfriend. Though Lori's displeasure is exacerbated by the pair's constant consumption of beer and weed, she's not the one who's most disappointed with John; it may take the intervention of John's boyhood toy to help him grow up at last.

Life has changed drastically for thunder buddies John (Mark Wahlberg), now a bachelor, and best pal Ted (Seth MacFarlane), now married to the woman (Jessica Barth) of his dreams. Problems arise when the couple decide to adopt a child, but the law declares Ted to be property and not a person. Angry and dejected, the lovably foulmouthed teddy bear must now seek legal help from a young lawyer (Amanda Seyfried) and a legendary, civil-rights attorney (Morgan Freeman) to get the justice he deserves.

Jamie discovers that Braxton unknowingly is dating a stripper; Aunt Helen learns of Uncle Junior's newest vice.

Jamie (Jamie Foxx) thinks he's landed a sure thing when a Hollywood agent (guest star Anthony Michael Hall) offers to buy his television pilot.

A hotel guest (Ajai Sanders) becomes obsessed with making Jamie (Jamie Foxx) her eternal husband on Halloween.

Jamie (Jamie Foxx) agrees to dog-sit a celebrity canine in exchange for a chance to meet a top movie producer.

Shawn (Shawn Wayans) suspects Marlon's (Marlon Wayans) new movie-star friend is having a bad influence on his brother.

Marlon is drugged and chained by a woman claiming to be his biggest fan.